Hearing from a doctor that your child has autism can be crushing at first, but itis not the end of the world. It’s not even close. Don’t despair. Don’t worry.  In fact, think the opposite. At Monarch House, we see autism as a form of superpower. When a child receives an autism diagnosis, it’s common for family members to go through the same roller coaster of emotions, veering from confusion to concern. As their parent or caregiver, learning how to deliver this news and then managing their expectations is essential to building their understanding and eventual support. 

If you have a child with autism in Burlington, we can help with ten ways to navigate these conversations effectively.

1. Set Realistic Expectations

Parents love to measure their children by milestones and percentiles. “My son is in the top tenth percentile for height for his age.” “My daughter is reading two years ahead for her level.” Don’t even bother getting into those kinds of conversations. There’s no benefit in keeping up with the Joneses’ Steer your family away from that kind of talk as well. You can help family members understand that progress may look different for a child with autism. Explain that each child develops at their own pace, and success should be measured based on individual growth rather than neurotypical milestones.

2. Provide Practical Guidance On Interactions

When people are uncertain how to approach someone they don’t know that well, they can be apprehensive and standoffish. Sometimes they avoid that person altogether. This can be a lonely experience for your child (and you), so be proactive. Educate family members that it’s okay to step in and say hello. Some family members may be unsure of how exactly to engage with your child (especially if they are non-verbal). So give them some tips and advice, or teach them a word or two in sign language. If not, provide them with some guidance on preferred communication styles, sensory sensitivities, or specific activities the child enjoys to create meaningful connections.

3. Set Boundaries When Necessary

It’s a sad fact of life that some people out there are just plain rude and ignorant. It’s going to happen, so it’s important to brace yourself with a few pre-packaged retorts and barbs ready to go when people say something untoward. Unfortunately, this disdainful sentiment can rear its head within your own family as well. Here’s what we suggest at Monarch House: when certain family members have unrealistic expectations or negative attitudes about your child, it’s time to set boundaries and make certain things crystal clear. There will be words that will simply not be tolerated. There will be ways of describing your child that are never acceptable. Be firm, but kind as you can..Remember to be polite. Ignorance is a work in progress for some people. Take a breath and as matter-of-factly as you can, communicate your child’s needs and make it clear that unsupportive behaviour will not be entertained.

4. Educate Your Family

Not all children with autism are non-verbal. Not all of them have fixed, rigid routines that they need to maintain no matter what. Of course, some children are like that, but just because your child is being introduced as having an ASD diagnosis, does not mean that they fit the stereotype. Walk your family members through this. Many misconceptions exist about autism, so providing family members with accurate information is key. Share books, reputable websites, or invite them to attend a workshop to help them understand what an autism diagnosis truly means.

5. Communicate Openly And Honestly

You might find that the most common reaction that you receive is that people say nothing. This can be frustrating sometimes, because you want to clear the air and talk about your child, but opening that door can be a bit awkward for both parties. At Monarch House, we suggest that you encourage open dialogue about the diagnosis. Make it clear that people are free to ask questions. Then be patient and honest as you address concerns family members may have. Highlight the challenges and strengths that come with the condition. 

6. Encourage A Strength-Based Perspective

Keep on the sunny side. There are so many blessings that come with a child that sees the world from a completely unique perspective: treasure that. It’s a gift. Rather than focusing on deficits, highlight the child’s unique abilities and strengths. When you get together for dinners or holidays and the talk circles around to how your child is doing: encourage family members to change their focus a little, and to celebrate the small victories and special talents that your child has, rather than the challenges you are facing. This can foster a more positive and supportive atmosphere.

7. Share Personal Experiences

Many people will be genuinely curious, but hesitant to ask too many questions. They might need a bit of prompting. Start the conversation by sharing your own journey. This can help family members relate to your perspective. Get into the struggles of navigating therapies or the joy of small milestones. Once you have shared your own personal stories, it can build empathy and understanding, and offer a bridge for family members to start up their own conversations with your child. 

8. Be Patient With Their Adjustment

When you deliver your child’s diagnosis for the first time, don’t just tear off the bandage. They are going to need to know some background about the condition and how expectations are going to be slightly different than what they might have had in their heads before. Think of your own initial reaction. You probably took time to process the diagnosis and walk yourself through the next few years of your life. Your family is going to be the same way. Allow them some space to take the time to adapt. Give them space to learn and grow, but continue to provide guidance and encouragement along the way.

9. Invite Them to Be Involved

One of the great things about having family in the city is the extra hands on deck when you need them. If your family members are willing to participate in activities that support your child, you can bring them along to some therapy sessions at Monarch House. Encourage them to join support groups and social media causes online. You can also ask them for help with daily routines. If they want to get to know your child better, this is the best way, it fosters deeper understanding about their condition and strengthens bonds.

10. Seek Professional Support if Needed

Sometimes things do not go as smoothly as planned. There may be some resistance within the family about how a child with autism is accepted within the group dynamic. You can try to resolve this diplomatically, however if conflicts or misunderstandings persist, consider involving a therapist, counsellor, or support group. At Monarch House, we can help with behavioural sessions that involve tensions between family members. We have a staff of professionals that can provide valuable insight and strategies for improving family dynamics and expectations around autism.

There are still a lot of myths and misconceptions around autism. When you say that your child is neurodivergent, some people will automatically revert to the stereotypes that they know about the condition. These may not be the case with your child. Be patient and talk them through what makes your child unique, and what their individual strengths and challenges are. By managing family expectations with patience, education, and open communication, you can help create a more understanding and supportive environment for your child. At Monarch House’s autism clinic in Burlington we have a professional, interdisciplinary staff of occupational therapists, behavioural therapists, psychotherapists, and speech pathologists that are here to help you with a few statements to have on-hand that you can deliver to people when they first hear of your child’s diagnosis.  Remember that every step toward awareness is a step toward acceptance.