You only need to look at your commute to work to see how many adults have a hard time keeping their cool. As grown ups, they should know better. It’s a bit more understandable when kids get frustrated and lash out. Many times this is because they haven’t learned how to maturely handle their emotions yet. Outbursts happen amongst children with autism as well. Kids with neurodivergence often experience frustration and anger due to sensory sensitivities, challenges with communication, and sudden and unexpected changes in routine. At Monarch House, we help children with autism learn to regulate their emotions effectively. It’s often just a matter of patience and a few structured strategies. 

Here are nine practical approaches to managing frustration and anger in children with autism in Burlington.

1. Identify Triggers

Everyone has something that sets them off. Knowing how to remain calm while the blood pressure rises is a matter of practice and self-discipline. The first step in getting ahead of anger is understanding what provokes frustration in the first place. At Monarch House, we can help your child identify their triggers and learn how to steer clear of certain buttons getting pressed. Some common triggers for children with autism include loud noises, sudden changes, social misunderstandings, and difficulty expressing needs. We encourage parents and caregivers to keep a journal of specific incidents that made your child lash out. This can help us identify patterns and craft targeted interventions.

2. Teach Emotional Regulation Skills

Have you ever been so furious that you weren’t able to get the words out? In many cases, that’s what it’s like for children with autism. Children with neurodivergence often have a hard time recognizing and articulating their emotions. At Monarch House, we make use of visual aids like emotion charts and try out some role-playing to help them understand different feelings. Teaching phrases like “The reason I feel angry is because ____.” can improve emotional expression.

3. Use Visual Supports

Having your emotional roller coaster all mapped out on the wall can go a long way towards taking a step back and distancing yourself from the frustration as it’s happening. This is exactly what we do at Monarch House. We make use of visual supports, such as schedules, flow charts, pictographs, and cue cards to help children anticipate changes and reduce anxiety. For example, we might have a “calm down” visual sequence on the wall. This would include action steps such as “Take a deep breath,” “Count to ten,” or “Use your words.” This visual guide can help your child work through their frustration in a healthy way.

4. Create A Calm Down Space

Having a sanctuary in your home with soft lighting and gentle music is never a bad idea. At our clinics, we have sensory rooms. These are designated calming areas with sensory tools like noise-canceling headphones, sunglasses, weighted blankets, and fidget toys. It’s a calming environment where children can self-regulate when they feel overwhelmed. This space provides a safe retreat where they can regain control.

5. Encourage Sensory Breaks

If you were highly sensitive to lights and sounds and you were stuck in an overbearing environment where you couldn’t escape, you’d probably get incredibly upset as well. Many children with autism experience sensory overload, which can lead to frustration. At Monarch House, we are mindful of children’s sensory sensitivities. We often schedule sensory breaks with activities like deep pressure exercises, swinging, or quiet time. These can help to prevent emotional meltdowns.

6. Teach Coping Strategies

At Monarch House, we recommend that children with autism practice calming techniques before they need them. For example, we might introduce different coping strategies, such as deep breathing, listening to calming music, or squeezing a stress ball. These work well to mitigate frustration when a child is angry, but to reinforce the habit, we get them to use these techniques when they are relaxed as well. Practicing these techniques regularly, especially when the child is calm, makes them more accessible during moments of frustration.

7. Provide Predictability And Structure

Changing up the game plan last minute is never a popular move when dealing with individuals with autism. Children with neurodivergence thrive on routines. If you anticipate some changes in the schedule, be sure to give them plenty of advanced warning. Wherever possible stick to the daily visual schedule. Predictability and consistency go a long way towards reducing anxiety, and ultimately, frustration. When changes are unavoidable, explaining them calmly and providing alternatives can prevent aggravation..

8. Reinforce Positive Behaviour

At Monarch House, we are firm believers in the power of positivity. We use a positive reinforcement model to praise and reward healthy coping behaviours. This acts to encourage repetition. For example, we might use specific praise, such as “I’m proud of you for using your words to tell me you were upset.” We often make use of reward systems like sticker charts to reinforce self-regulation in this way. 

9. Model And Practice Calm Reactions

If your child sees you keep your cool in a tense moment, they’ll remember that. Children learn from observing others. So as well as you can, stay calm when addressing frustration yourself. When you feel like yelling, check yourself, and revert to a gentle tone and simple language. By modelling self-regulation techniques, such as deep breathing, and collecting yourself before speaking, your child will start to do the same. In moments of calm, you can even practice them together to reinforce their effectiveness.

Take a breath. Count to ten. Bite your tongue. Walk it off. Sometimes it’s easy to know how to keep your anger in check in retrospect, but at the moment, you say or do something that you regret. It requires a proactive and patient approach to help children with autism manage frustration and anger. At Monarch House we have a professional, interdisciplinary staff of occupational therapists, behavioural therapists, psychotherapists, and speech pathologists that are here to help. We can work on identifying triggers, providing structure, and teaching coping strategies to your child.  Working together with parents and caregivers we can help you child develop essential self-regulation skills. These strategies not only reduce emotional outbursts but also empower children with autism in Burlington to express themselves in healthier and more productive ways.