Your kids are going to reach a certain age where they will be glued to their phones. Usually around adolescence, they get access to the first screens that are theirs and theirs alone, and they never let go after that. You can’t be there 24/7 knowing what they’re up to, so there has to be a certain amount of trust. There’s also the issue of decorum, however. When they navigate their way out of your sphere of immediate influence, it’s important that they have learned and understood the correct way to interact with other humans in this new territory. Social media is a minefield. Although it is a fantastic way to share interests, stay connected with friends, and learn new things, it also comes with many challenges for children, especially for those with autism. If your child already struggles with boundaries, social cues, and online safety, then a Snapchat account will exacerbate these issues tenfold if they don’t learn how to communicate with others correctly before they begin. At Monarch House, we can help your child learn some of these social graces. Learning social media etiquette is an invaluable skill. It can help ensure positive interactions and protect against misunderstandings or conflicts. 

Here are ten essential rules to follow for teens with autism in Toronto.

1. Avoid Oversharing

Some of the idiosyncrasies and communication challenges that teens with autism face in their day-to-day real life will spill over into their online world as well. At Monarch House, when helping adolescents with autism learn how to navigate social media, we ask them to keep some of these rules in mind before pressing send. While it’s fantastic for them to have the means to express themselves readily, sharing too much personal information (like school, home address, or daily routines) can be risky. We suggest that your teen keep private details limited to trusted friends in direct messages rather than public posts.

2. Use Kind And Respectful Language

Some of the rules that your child learned in kindergarten apply just as well online. At Monarch House, we reiterate these guidelines with your teen to ensure that they have a more pleasant and positive online experience. For example, always be respectful, even when you disagree with someone. Other things to keep in mind that they learned as a child: avoid name-calling, harsh criticism, or rude comments. Just because you can hide behind anonymity or a keyboard doesn’t give you the right to be monstrous. So we always remind adolescents: if you wouldn’t say it in person, don’t say it online.

3. Don’t Engage In Online Arguments

It’s one thing to have an argument with someone where tempers flare, and people stomp out of the room, and a whole other reality where leaving the room is impossible. Online, disagreements happen, but social media is definitely not the best place to resolve them. It’s not uncommon for an argument online to escalate quickly and spiral out of control, even spreading to different platforms. This can cause stress and even intense, real-world panic. At Monarch House, we encourage teens to step away from their screens for a while. If they have a disagreement, we urge them to consider discussing it privately or letting it go.

4. Be Careful With Tone And Context

Missing out on key elements to a regular social interaction (such as visual cues in the surroundings for context and other sounds and even smells) can make communicating online particularly hazardous for misinformation and miscommunication. For example, social media lacks facial expressions and tone of voice, which can lead to incorrect assumptions. At Monarch House, we can encourage your teen to communicate in a way that avoids sarcasm or jokes that could be misinterpreted. If they are unsure, we suggest that they use emojis for clarifying intent.

5. Follow The 24-Hour Rule Before Responding To Conflict

Flame wars have been around since the beginning of the internet, and with social media being so popular, the trolls are stronger than ever. Wherever you have more than one person, you’re going to find some degree of conflict. Knowing how to work through this is an invaluable skill. If someone upsets your child online, it’s tempting for them to respond immediately. Instead, we suggest they take a deep breath and wait twenty-four hours before replying. This helps prevent them saying something they might regret.

6. Be Aware Of Online Scams And Strangers

It’s not uncommon for children with autism to take things directly at face value. This can be dangerous online where not everyone is who they say they are. At Monarch House, we urge your child to be cautious when receiving friend requests from people they don’t know. We emphasize that your teen should never share financial information, passwords, or personal data with strangers.

7. Respect Others’ Privacy

One of the things that we reinforce at Monarch House is your child’s privacy, and how to maintain it in the hyper-connected new world. We suggest that they avoid sharing personal details about friends or family without permission. Don’t even tell them your cousin’s dog’s real name. Simply don’t send photos, locations, or private conversations. Even if your child means no harm, there can be a backlash. Other people might not feel comfortable having their information made public.

8. Take Breaks from Social Media

It has been shown that social media use in teens leads to anxiety and depression. So it’s important to be moderate. Spending too much time online can simply be overwhelming. You need a break now and then to experience the real world without thinking of likes, or shares, or comments. If you find that social media is making your teen anxious or upset, implore them to take a break. If you can get your child to engage in hobbies, exercise, or in-person interactions this can go a long way towards helping maintain balance.

9. Think Before You Post

There’s a program called the Wayback Machine that lets you go back in time to see any page of the internet, from any date. This is proof that once you post anything, it’s there forever—somewhere.  Once you post something online, it’s almost impossible to take it back. Before posting, it’s best for your child to ask themselves: Is this kind? Is this appropriate? Could this hurt someone’s feelings? If unsure, we suggest they wait before sharing.

10. Ask For Help When Needed

At Monarch House, we encourage your child to get a third party involved if things are getting weird. If something online confuses or upsets them, we ask that your child talk to a trusted adult—like a parent, teacher, or even a therapist at one of our clinics. There’s nothing wrong with asking for guidance on how to handle tricky social media situations.

Don’t ghost people. Don’t click any suspicious links. Be careful which answers you give when people start asking too many questions. There are hundreds of little tips that we can pass on to teens with autism in our Toronto clinic, but the main ten to keep in mind are outlined here. By being mindful of these etiquette rules, your teen will be able to navigate social media more confidently and safely. At Monarch House we have a professional, interdisciplinary staff of occupational therapists, behavioural therapists, psychotherapists, and speech pathologists that are here to help. Each of us can keep an eye on your child’s social media (with their permission) and offer some insights and suggestions. This is a lifelong skill. Understanding how social media works helps to build positive relationships and ensures a more enjoyable experience online for your child and other teens with autism in Toronto.