Hearing that your child has an interest in assuming a new gender identity can come as a surprise to any parent. Understanding gender identity can be a complex journey for any family, but it often brings added layers of nuance when autism is part of the picture. Parents of autistic children or teens exploring their gender identity may feel uncertain about how to support them. 

Here are ten crucial points to help guide families with compassion, awareness, and respect when it comes to teens with autism in Toronto.

1. Gender Identity and Autism Can Intersect

Studies have shown that teens with autism are more open to the idea of gender fluidity than their neurotypical peers. Autistic individuals are more likely to explore gender identities outside the traditional binary. While this doesn’t mean every autistic person will experience gender diversity, the correlation suggests that it’s not uncommon and should be approached with openness.

2. Gender Exploration Is Valid—Autistic or Not

Uncertainty about one’s gender is not uncommon. Gender questioning in autistic youth is just as valid as in neurotypical peers. Autism does not “cause” gender diversity. Rather, some researchers suggest autistic individuals may be less influenced by societal norms, allowing for more authentic self-expression.

3. Support Is Crucial

The secret is to be loving, caring, and open minded. Children and teens benefit greatly from having parents and caregivers who listen without judgment. Showing support—even while learning about new aspects of gender—can significantly reduce mental health risks and increase well-being.

4. Communication Styles May Differ

Don’t always expect your teen to tell you outright what is going on with their life. Autistic individuals may express their gender identity in unique ways. This might include clear, literal language or a preference for visual forms of self-expression. Parents should pay close attention to nonverbal cues and respect their child’s communication preferences.

5. Gender Identity May Take Time to Understand

Do you ever feel like there is big news on the horizon but it just never seems to arrive when you expect it? It’s common for autistic youth to take longer to process and communicate their identity. Give them time and space, and avoid pushing for immediate clarity or labels. Exploration is a natural and healthy part of identity development.

6. Social Transition Is Not Always Linear

There isn’t a “kit” that comes with changing your identity. Changes happen slowly, bit-by-bit. Some autistic children may want to change their name, pronouns, clothing, or other gender expressions—but not all at once. Some may try different expressions over time. Support each step without pressure.

7. Seek Affirming Professionals

The secret is finding the right people. At Monarch House, we can help you with this. We can work with therapists, doctors, and educators who are experienced in both autism and gender identity. Not all professionals understand this intersection well, so finding affirming care is essential for emotional and developmental support.

8. Mental Health Should Be a Priority

Changing your gender identity is a big deal, and it comes with a lot of stigma and consequences. Beyond the usual, autistic gender-diverse youth face higher risks of anxiety, depression, and bullying. Providing a safe, understanding home environment and connecting them with affirming mental health resources can make a big difference.

9. Respect Their Self-Defined Identity

You want to stand behind your child, no matter what. Whether your child uses a specific label like nonbinary, transgender, or prefers no label at all, honour their choice. Using their chosen name and pronouns is a powerful way to show love and respect.

10. You’re Learning, Too—and That’s Okay

It’s going to be a tumultuous and confusing time for you, as well. Remain calm and everything will be fine. Parents aren’t expected to have all the answers right away. It’s okay to feel unsure, as long as you remain open, loving, and willing to learn. Seek out books, support groups, and online communities to grow your understanding.

At Monarch House, we consider autism to be a form of superpower. One way of thinking of your child changing their gender identity is to imagine them fully transforming into the extraordinary person they were meant to be, completely. By embracing these ten points, parents can create an affirming environment where both autism and gender identity are understood, accepted, and celebrated. At Monarch House we have a professional, interdisciplinary staff of occupational therapists, behavioural therapists, psychotherapists, and speech pathologists that are here to help. The most powerful gift you can give your child with autism in Toronto is your unconditional support.