Having children is one of the most beautiful things that a couple can do together. However, statistics have shown that it puts an incredible strain on the relationship. While raising a child with autism can be amazingly rewarding in its own right, it also presents unforeseen challenges that can contribute to strife in even the most steadfast marriages. There can be incredible tension between partners with the ensuing financial, emotional, and physical demands. However, with the right strategies, couples can strengthen their relationship and handle these challenges with a cool and collected front. 

Here are ten ways to alleviate the marital strain of raising a child with autism Toronto.

1. Making Your Relationship A Priority

Never forget that you’re a couple first and foremost, and that you love each other. Make time for this. It’s all too easy to let your relationship take a backseat under the strain of constant parenting a child with autism, but carve out the space to nurture your bond all the same. Make healthy plans, like regular date nights, even if it’s just a chill evening on the couch after the kids are in bed. These little moments of intimacy and connection help maintain the spark. Constantly remind each other of why you’re in this together.

2. Delegating Equally

Break things down into smaller pieces and concentrate on working through each little task. Make a list if you have to. Otherwise, the mountain of daily responsibilities of caring for a child with autism can be overwhelming. One of the big things that you can do is to ensure that you’re both sharing the load of these little tasks equally. For instance: building the daily schedule, reinforcing the routines, managing therapy appointments, handling school meetings, or taking turns with crisis management. If you can be sure that the responsibilities are balanced, neither partner feels overburdened. This will all work towards reducing resentment and establishing teamwork.

3. Establishing Open And Honest Communication

Your home should be a safe place where you can speak your mind and share your frustrations without it turning into a fight. Mature, and effective communication is the keystone of healthy relationships. Take the time to offer a kind ear. Readily checking in with each other helps to prevent misunderstandings and ensures that both of you feel heard and appreciated. Don’t bottle things up. It’s crucial to express your thoughts, feelings, wants, and worries, openly with your partner. Also, don’t forget about you, as a plural. Make time for conversations about your relationship and individual well-being, not just about your child.

4. Seeking Out Professional Support

Outside help is nothing to shy away from. Therapy is in the business of saving relationships, and it continues to thrive for a reason. Professional, specialized counseling  for parents of neurodivergent children can be a lifesaver for couples neck-deep into this new experience (and it can spare the camel’s back for those who’ve been at it a long time). A trained therapist can help you improve communication, develop coping strategies, and address any underlying issues that may be causing marital strain. It’s advisable to seek out a counselor experienced in working with families of children with developmental disorders. They will be more familiar and  attuned to your exact situation.

5. Patience, Patience, Patience

Frustration is the number one cause of anger. So you must attempt to mitigate it at all costs. As you surely know, raising a child with autism can sometimes be fraught with aggravation and misunderstandings. The answer is a lot of deep breaths. It’s important to practice patience with your child, but also with each other. As much as you can, approach difficult situations with empathy. Put yourself in your partner’s shoes. Keep in mind that you are doing your best under challenging circumstances. Wherever you can, offer support rather than criticism when things don’t go according to plan.

6. Keeping Informed and Educated

Arm yourself with all the information about autism that you can. Knowledge is empowering. There are books you can read, workshops you can attend at Monarch House, parent coaching, and other parents who are going through similar experiences that you can connect with. It’s never a bad strategy to educate yourselves as much as you can about your child’s condition. Look into the autism therapies available, the autism services offered at Monarch House, and the best practices for supporting your child. The more informed you are, the more confident you’ll feel in your parenting decisions, which can alleviate stress on your marriage.

7. Fostering A Strong Support Network

It takes a village to raise a child and a city to bring up a child with autism. So build a large, reliable support network. This could include extended family, friends, support groups, or other parents of neurodivergent children. A strong support system provides practical help, emotional relief, and a sense of community. Having some extra hands and sympathetic ears can significantly reduce the strain on your marriage.

8. Celebrating The Everyday Victories

You’ve successfully navigated your first day of school? This calls for a celebratory latte. Your child took a family car ride without causing a scene? Find a way to reward yourself as a couple, whether it’s a gelato for two, or an extra fifteen minutes in the morning. Amongst the challenges, it’s important to isolate and celebrate all the little successes as they come up, no matter how small. When your child with autism achieves a new milestone or simply makes it through a tough day, acknowledge these victories. This helps to keep things in perspective. As a couple, it reinforces the positive aspects of your journey together.

9. Taking Care of Yourself As An Individual

Self-care is essential for both partners. Whether it’s exercising, pursuing a hobby, or simply taking time to relax, make sure that each of you has time to engage in activities that replenish your energy and bring you joy, . When you take care of yourselves individually, you’re better equipped to take care of each other and your child.

10. Setting Realistic Expectations

Be kind to yourself, and each other. It’s important to set realistic expectations for your marriage, your child, and yourself. Understand that there will be difficult days, and things can’t always be under your control. Focus on what you can do rather than what you can’t, and be kind to yourselves when things don’t go as planned. Embracing flexibility and patience helps to reduce pressure and maintain a positive outlook.

Think of it like a momentous project that you have taken on together. A tough, but rewarding journey. This odyssey of raising a child with autism Toronto can be challenging, but it also has the potential to bring couples closer together. By seeking support, practicing patience, and prioritizing your relationship, you can alleviate much of the strain and build a strong, enduring partnership that will get through this. At the end of the day, remember that you’re in this together, and with considerable understanding and effort, your marriage can survive (and thrive) this extraordinary ordeal, even in the face of adversity.